Pandemic Living has caused me to commit more than my usual number of fashion crimes. I apologize in advance….
Exhibit A
Exhibit B
Exhibit C
Exhibit D
As a public service and to cleanse your palate so you can sleep tonight, I present this amazing little creature, found during my dog walk yesterday:
I do derive a sort of primitive satisfaction through providing food for my family, and I have ample opportunities at present to do so.
Early in the shut in, I was unable to find any decent bread and decided to make my own. I started with honey wheat. The product was leaden, underproved, and raw in the middle. Paul Hollywood would have gagged. No, Paul Hollywood would not have let it pass his lips.
My kids loved it.
Eyeing my few remaining yeast packets and not finding any in the store–though a one-pound bag was available through Amazon if only I could wait a month–I decided to create a yeast starter. I figured this could be my forever yeast source and went on to attempt herb bread and then a repeat of the honey wheat loaves.
During each rise, the dough needed multiple hours to heft its glutinous flab to a semi-upright position despite my cheerleading. Picture Toad in Arnold Lobel’s story “The Garden,” and you will have it about right.
These loaves were likewise leaden and underproved but had at least become fully cooked. I didn’t know that starter is meant to be used in addition to dry yeast.
No matter. My kids loved them.
Bread had begun to repopulate the shelves of my local Safeway but by now my children (22 and 25!) were requesting “Mom Bread.” I found myself both puzzled and flattered.
So. I’ve continued my pandemic baking.
I decided to actually READ the bread instructions. An angel dropped a one-pound bag of yeast on my door step. After several months of use, I have somehow discovered that I have a Proof setting on my new oven. Thanks to the convergence of these fortuitous happenings, I have just produced something called bread.
Real bread!
This post courtesy of my 4:30 telehealth client who didn’t show up and didn’t respond to my call or email.
Scott 1000® Bathroom Tissue is the official toilet paper of my 2020 Pandemic.
You will know I have finally lost it if I actually hit “publish.”
Oops. Too late.
If I ever endure another pandemic or get stuck on a desert island, I hope to get stranded with a big pack of Scott 1000®.
My current household of four adults went through one Scott 12 pack in a month. Then we were on to the 9 pack of Angel Soft®. “9 MEGA = 36 REGULAR ROLLS*” the package proclaims!
At our current rate of consumption, we will be through 9 MEGA ROLLS in 9 measly days.
We had groceries delivered today via instacart. I absolutely do realize the enormous privilege it is to have someone risk their well being to do my dirty work. I gave the shopper a GIGANTIC tip and a home-sewn face mask to show my appreciation. Jon was a very polite and responsive shopper, and he made good replacements. But after he had gone, I realized we had been charged for toilet paper which had not been delivered.
I’m not terribly worried at this point. I had been pretty hard on Henry for not recycling that big stack of newspapers but now I am reconsidering my stance.
What toilet paper would you choose as the 2020 Pandemic Champion?
(I have not been paid to mention this product. I am merely odd and my filter has broken.)
“*based on number of sheets in Angel Soft® Regular Roll”
Photo: Public Domain, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=611402
Family Rules 